Poetry II

Checked out poems by Walt Whitman, after watching The Notebook. Love this one that was referred to in the film; Spontaneous Me.

Spontaneous me, Nature,
The loving day, the mounting sun, the friend I am happy with,
The arm of my friend hanging idly over my shoulder,
The hillside whiten'd with blossoms of the mountain ash,
The same late in autumn, the hues of red, yellow, drab, purple, and light and dark green,
The rich coverlet of the grass, animals and birds, the private untrimm'd bank, the primitive apples, the pebble-stones,
Beautiful dripping fragments, the negligent list of one after another as I happen to call them to me or think of them,
The real poems, (what we call poems being merely pictures,)
The poems of the privacy of the night, and of men like me,
This poem drooping shy and unseen that I always carry, and that all men carry,
(Know once for all, avow'd on purpose, wherever are men like me, are our lusty lurking masculine poems,)
Love-thoughts, love-juice, love-odor, love-yielding, love-climbers, and the climbing sap,
Arms and hands of love, lips of love, phallic thumb of love, breasts of love, bellies press'd and glued together with love,
Earth of chaste love, life that is only life after love,
The body of my love, the body of the woman I love, the body of the man, the body of the earth,
Soft forenoon airs that blow from the south-west,
The hairy wild-bee that murmurs and hankers up and down, that gripes the full-grown lady-flower, curves upon her with amorous firm legs, takes his will of her, and holds himself tremulous and tight till he is satisfied;
The wet of woods through the early hours,
Two sleepers at night lying close together as they sleep, one with an arm slanting down across and below the waist of the other,
The smell of apples, aromas from crush'd sage-plant, mint, birch-bark,
The boy's longings, the glow and pressure as he confides to me what he was dreaming,
The dead leaf whirling its spiral whirl and falling still and content to the ground,
The no-form'd stings that sights, people, objects, sting me with,
The hubb'd sting of myself, stinging me as much as it ever can any one,
The sensitive, orbic, underlapp'd brothers, that only privileged feelers may be intimate where they are,
The curious roamer the hand roaming all over the body, the bashful withdrawing of flesh where the fingers soothingly pause and edge themselves,
The limpid liquid within the young man,
The vex'd corrosion so pensive and so painful,
The torment, the irritable tide that will not be at rest,
The like of the same I feel, the like of the same in others,
The young man that flushes and flushes, and the young woman that flushes and flushes,
The young man that wakes deep at night, the hot hand seeking to repress what would master him,
The mystic amorous night, the strange half-welcome pangs, visions, sweats,
The pulse pounding through palms and trembling encircling fingers, the young man all color'd, red, ashamed, angry;
The souse upon me of my lover the sea, as I lie willing and naked,
The merriment of the twin babes that crawl over the grass in the sun, the mother never turning her vigilant eyes from them,
The walnut-trunk, the walnut-husks, and the ripening or ripen'd long-round walnuts,
The continence of vegetables, birds, animals,
The consequent meanness of me should I skulk or find myself indecent, while birds and animals never once skulk or find themselves indecent,
The great chastity of paternity, to match the great chastity of maternity,
The oath of procreation I have sworn, my Adamic and fresh daughters,
The greed that eats me day and night with hungry gnaw, till I saturate what shall produce boys to fill my place when I am through,
The wholesome relief, repose, content,
And this bunch pluck'd at random from myself,
It has done its work--I toss it carelessly to fall where it may.

Poetry...

just saw 'the notebook'...one of the most romantic film i've ever seen i must say!
in the spirit of romance, i'd like to share a couple of poems by one of my favourite poets, Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Sonnet XLIII
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Sonnet XIV
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of ease on such a day--
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheek dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.

Lightness and Weight

"I never knew I can be this easily influenced. And I’ve just actually experienced the power of suggestion firsthand. I can tell you that it definitely works. I also realize what a shame it is that sometimes you only start to appreciate something when it’s already too late."

That was the beginning of an entry that i was going to publish back in May, but never came around to. What was i talking about? More or less the best thing that is going on in my life right now. That entry was going to be a lament, bt i guess i don't need that now :>

So it wasn't a suggestion, that was experience talking, they noticed it because they have seen or been in so many similar situations, and clueless as i was, i have to give it to them. They hit bull's eye, and they will probably never know that they did.

I don't know where this is going, if it's going anywhere at all.....but while it lasts, i will embrace it. Because it feels right at this moment in time. However, I will tread cautiously, so as not to get my fragile heart trampled all over. I will keep my head above water, and my feet on the ground. Lightness and weight....reminds me of Milan Kundera's brilliant novel (which i will hopefully be talking about in here some time soon). The ambiguous opposition of all oppositions.

On a lighter note (pun intended), will be having a BBQ (yet another!) by the beach tommorrow with the gang. Should be really fun, but mind will probably be elsewhere like it's perpetually been lately! It's so silly.

BUBBLES' BABIES!!!

the twins

group hug! 

aww... 

feeding time! 

tired mommy

j'taime, incubus.

i had to go through 5 different passwords to remember how to get in here. THAT'S how long i've left this blog. not to mention there's them dates at the top corner of each entry. hehe. reasons for actually blogging again (at least for today)- 1) need to let out my awe at the incubus gig last month (as if i hadn't done enough of that) and 2) bored out of my pants (not to be taken literally) as all my housemates have gone away for the summer.

incubus at the point, dublin.
what can i say. all the hype is true. not that i've ever doubted the band's flair at playing live. but this was too awesome it brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.
seven years ago when i came to this land of westlife's, boyzones and the corrs, (okay2 fair enough, they do produce some good ones ie U2, Ash, and Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols), nobody, and i mean NOBODY knows who incubus are (they still don't, most of them). if the band were touring europe, they'd leave ireland out of the venue-list. that's how bad it was. nobody to share my passion for these calabasas boys with.
seven years on, still not that many fans here. the point theatre was about only 2/3 packed for the show. and i scoffed at the thought that even these kids here at the gig are only those who dug drive and morning view and brandon's new 'do n beefed up bod (:P~~, sorry! but i'm only a redblooded human!)and 'crow.
when 'megalomaniac' came on, u practically could not hear brandon as he was drowned by the audience. and what an audience we(!) were. and i take back my bitter judgement on the irish crowd. they were brilliant. TRUE fans. every single word on every single song (except pantomime of course) new AND old. when the band did a certain shade of green with brandon on his djembe, all hell broke loose. i loved it! i loved the fact that they played two of my favourite songs: 'shade of green and ultimately, summer romance. brandon did this hilarious rendition of kelis's milkshake towards the end of the anti-gravity lovesong and i love him to death for it(not for playing kelis but the fact that he is just so spontaneously funny. they used to do tlc's no scrubs live which i've downloaded a few yrs back and it was equally as charming as milkshake.hehe). jose's drum solo was orgasmic. i'm still getting used to ben on bass, but i'm sure he's as good as dirk. love mikey's afro which seems to be getting more and more bouffant by each album. :> .and kilmore, what can i say, incubus just isn't, without him.
BRILLIANT.

wished i could've gone to the Pixies's gig last saturday. heard they played 26 songs. damn.

oh my God. how long has it been since my last ramble? working has definitely taken its toll on me.

yummie

i just came back from having one of the best meals in my life. true, i like my food, but this transcends most of my culinary experience. it was at this quaint little blue-walled seafood restaurant called 'out of the blue' (cute). it's located just across the street from the harbour in Dingle. Dingle is a famous bay in co.Kerry just nortwest of Tralee and takes about a little over an hour to get there from tralee by car.

i thought the best part of the whole event was the starter. probably because i was so hungry by the time we got there. the food took a while to get to you, but they actually left some recipe books lying around for the patrons to flip through while waiting for the food. it was quite a brilliant idea i must say, because flipping through those glossy cookbooks' pages certainly whets one appetite.

i had crab claws in garlic for my starter. it was heavenly . i used all ten of my fingers (and then some!) and became totally oblivious to my surroundings. certainly not the place to bring a date to for the first time! my main course was good too-plaice in lemon butter- and 2 of my friends had these lovely scallops (i know cuz i nicked some. heh.) and we had this huge lobster between us which was absolutely gorgeous.

now i can go through the dreaded weekend oncall with some consolation :>

sweet!!

am watching incubus live online and it's just effing brilliant! ahaha... the questions from the fans weren't too bad so far. mikey is so cute!! he's just sitting there shyly answering questions. and brandon's agitating if nobody'll call. bootleg cds were mentioned-gotta have those.
"i'd like to see lionel ritchie do a cover of our cover of his song Hello" - jose, when asked who the band would like to see cover an incubus song and which song would it be. hilarious!
brandon looks older, could be that moustache. hehe. and that lilt in his voice at the end of each sentence. yum. oops i'm obsessing over brandon again.
anyways, thing is over now and i can go have my dinner. too bad they didn't perform or anything. but good fun altogether :>
rawk on incubus!

blegh

Its 10 pm. Im alone in the doctor's room just outside the surgical wards. Soon the bleeps will start coming as the nurses finish their change-over and start the drug-rounds. I hope there wouldn't be too many lines to be put in, or drugcharts to be re-written. Or a patient suddenly deciding to start rigoring with a temperature of 38.9'C, or having an acute onset of dyspnoea or chest pain. I hope the nurses wont suddenly realize at 12 midnight that an 90 year old man had not been passing urine since morning and expect me to put a catheter in at that ungodly hour. But somehow this is what happens usually. And it usually happens after I've walked all the way to the rez which is ridiculously far away from the wards, changed and put my head on the pillow, getting ready to catch whatever sleep I can. I would've been pacing around the wards for an hour or two waiting for jobs to be done before I get up to the rez- sometimes there wouldn’t be much, nope, not until I all the way across to the other end of the hospital, THEN they decided to bleep me to get something done.

It's funny how things are not what they seem. For instance, this afternoon... i was called to the male wards to put up an IV line for this 78 yr old patient. His veins were popping out almost the size of my pinkie. they were huge. Plus he was a very skinny man. I didn't even think for a second about not getting a line in. But to both our horror(esp. his, the poor man) i couldn't get it in!...not even after 4 times trying!!! the poor, poor man, he was very patient. and i was so frustrated!! i mean his veins were bulging for goodness's sakes. About not more than 5 minutes later, i was bleeped from the female ward. Another line. This time a 38 yr old woman. She was quite on the plump side, with horribly thready veins (when you actually find on beneath all the fat! i'm mean). But i had the line in before she even had time to wince at the contact of needle on skin. It was so weird....i still feel guilty about that first man...i don't know what went wrong..:/
i mean if it was a bet, i'd bet all my money that the first line woul be the successful one, but heck, it shows how things can be totally the opposite of what your first impression of them is.

I was watching this show on tv at a friend's house the other night, can't remember what it was called, but it was sort of like a documentary where this man was testing the driving skills of this other guy while the latter was high on grass. it was hilarious. First he made the guy drive sober, he had to do all the works, 3 point turning, side parking etc. Then he had to repeat everything while he was high on the mota - i don't know how doped up he was...but he looked out-of-it enough! hehe. i mean, the guts of that other guy to even be in the car while the guy was driving high on marijuana! hehehe..he even commented that the guy did a better job parking while he was high compared to when he was sober.hehehehee

but he's married...!

how do you respond to the flirtations of a married man? how do you know that the remarks of a married man is flirtatious? i mean, to me, whatever i consider flirty from a single man, i consider the same with a married one. or, since he is bethrothed to another, would it be considered more inappropriate? or would it be considered even less harmless than the flirtatious remarks of a single man because he is married?
it's mind boggling isn't it?

--------------------

i was surfing the ukm website today, and came across the postgraduate programmes. there it was: Masters of Medicine (Radiology). i almost emailed the dean there and then, it just felt right. but something held me back. i don't know what it was. maybe it's because i was using the hospital email, or more probably i wasn't sure. sigh. i'll get there.

got home from work about an hour and a half ago. i was told to head off early by the reg 'cos there wasn't much to do today. could've gone off earlier, but would've felt guilty. although it was an incredibly eventless day right after lunchtime.
feeling quite pissed at the moment about the gas bill. that silly woman from the renting office still says the bill was correct, but i just had a look at the meter again and it was not what was printed on the bill. i'm sure they got it wrong. that, or i'm not reading the meter correctly. but there isn't any other way to read it i'm sure! if only they would get their silly asses down here and read it right now and prove me right. argh. it's just bugging me at the moment.
to top that, there are just too many things on my mind right now. do i get the car, or the new notebook first? can't actually get both at the same time 'cos i'd definitely be flat broke if i were to do that. and if i were to get the car first i would have the license and the insurance to sort out first and i'd have to go down to cork for that. that would need me to miss a day of work, which i wouldn't like to do especially when mr.waldron comes back. can u see the dilemma there?
and i were to get the computer first, i can't make up my mind to whether get a Dell, or an Apple Mac. apparently mac is making a comeback...but hey, what do i know. i'm stupid that way.
spent an hour in the library after lunch at work 'cos did not have anything to do. was surfing the net at Malaysia Central
and came across a few blogs of fellow malaysians. some were pleasantly amusing and interesting. woud've liked to know these bloggers personally, 'cos they have such interesting thoughts and ideas.
oops, 'Home and Away' is on!
later!!

brandon's new look

** dig the T-shirt AND the moustache! :D

listening to:
3 Doors Down - Here Without You
Imogen Heap - Come Here Boy
Badly Drawn Boy - The Shining
Phantom Planet - California

mes petits amis

i was watching 'stand by me' for the god-knows-how-many time the other night, and it made me think of my own childhood friends. it made me realise the importance of these friendships in the shaping of who and what i am today, among other things.

primary school, my first experience of having a 'clique'. they were some of the best friends i've ever had. Marissa and Catherene were the closest to me. and we were always childishly proud to the fact that our names were 'unique' - marissa being spelt with 2 S's, catherene spelt with an E instead of an I, and my name being anelia instead of amelia. stupid, i know, but hey, we were 10 for crying out loud, and somehow that fact strengthened our friendship - as if it was fate that 3 girls with unusually spelt names would be best pals. hahaha..
you know how the desks in school were, where you can pull up the top of the desk and there is sort of like a drawer underneath? we used to sit in class while a lesson is going on with a copy of a 'sweet dreams' or a 'sweet valley high' novel stuck between our lap and the desk drawer, furtively glancing down now and again to read the novel and almost oblivious to whatever lessons that were going on at that time. we even started our own novel, using a school exercise book and wrapping its cover up with white paper and pasting pictures of 3 pretty models on it. those would be the main characters of the book - US. each of us would take the book home for two days two write a few paragraphs and pass it then on to the next girl to continue. we would each write it in a fashion that it would be our own character is the heroine of the book, and not the other 2 girls. it was hilarious. but it was so much fun.
we were brownies. i was an Elf, Cat was a Fairy i think, and Mars may have been a Pixie. we were in the rhythmic gymnastic junior team together. we spend hours talking on the phone. we gang up on each other during fights. we had our parents send us to the movies to watch michael j. fox in 'back to the future', then get sundaes in mcdonald's and tease each other about the boys we liked.we get to class late from recess. we passed notes in class. we whispered and giggled a lot dring lessons.we were the cheekiest girls in school. 3 years later i was sent to a boarding school. and we lost touch.
i have no idea where they are now. last i heard was that catherene was sent to a boarding school in new zealand and that marissa is now a medical doctor too.
it would be nice to see them again.

i just found out that jonathan rhys myers still lives in Cork! interesting....

swoon...!

**guys, if johnny depp can look this good at 40, you have absolutely no excuses.

songs of the moment:
When I Get You Alone - Thicke
White Flag - Dido
Familiar - Incubus
Where Is the Love - the Black-Eyed Peas