sunday morning....

have you ever woken up to a revelation?......


breakfast: mcvities a.m. cereal bites + coffee
listening to: better than ezra - good
flaming lips - tangerine
cake - daria

the catcher in the rye II

Finished the book last weekend. And like the first time, it left me dissatisfied. i wanted more.
Despite his constant swearing, his perpetual depression, his seemingly ungrounded hatred and intolerance towards almost all things alive, Holden Caulfield is a beautiful character with a good soul. i can't help but feel that his emotional turmoil is a result of being too empathetic without meaning to. he feels for people. he is sensitive to the misfortune of others. too sensitive even, that these things bring him down lower than he already is from his own problems.

"I took her dress over to the closet and hung it up for her. It was funny. It made me feel sort of sad when I hung it up for her. I thought of her going in a store and buying it, and nobody in the store knowing she was a prostitute and all. The salesman probably just thought she was a regular girl when she bought it. It made me feel sad as hell - I don't know why exactly."

Other favourite TCITR quotes:

"If you do something too good, after a while, if you don't watch it, you start showing off. And then you're not as good any more."

"I live in New York, and I was thinking about the lagoon in Central Park, down near Central Park South. I was wondering if it would be frozen over when I got home, and if it was, where did the ducks go. I was wondering where the ducks went when the lagoon got all icy and frozen over. I wondered if some guy came in a truck and took them away to a zoo or something. Or if they just flew away."

"What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it."

"You take a very handsome guy, or a guy that thinks he's a real hot-shot, and they're always asking you to do them a big favour. Just because they're crazy about themself, they think you're crazy about them, too, and that you're just dying to do them a favour."

"Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddam hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you or something. Jane was different. We'd get into a goddam movie or something, and right away we'd start holding hands, and we wouldn't quit till the movie was over. And without changing the position or making a big deal out of it. You never even worried, with Jane, whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really were."

"All you have to do to depress somebody is give them a lot of phony advice while your looking for your initials in some can door."

"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

"I went down by a different staircase, and I saw another "Fuck you" on the wall. I tried to rub it off with my hand, but it was scratched on, with a knife or something. It wouldn't come off. It's hopeless, anyway. If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible."

"That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write 'Fuck you' right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say 'Holden Caulfield' on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say 'Fuck you.' I'm positive, in fact."

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he want's to live humbly for one."

"...Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field ot rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy."

Incubus

listening to: 2 new incubus songs they performed at Lollapalooza, pretty badass: Megalomaniac(i like this one better, but that can change in a matter of seconds)
Pistola
if the rest of the songs for the coming album are along the lines of these two, i'm more than happy.

Drained

i knew i shouldn't've complained about not having anything to do! the last week (+ weekend)had been pure hell!. i'm spent. i was oncall the on the weekend, and it was not pretty. and a full day work the following monday too. because my consultant was oncall for 5 days in a row, we had a lot of radiographs ordered and needed to be reported in urgency. and who had to face those cranky radiologists? me. dr. kelly had this rep of being a scary radiologist consultant, but he's always been friendly with me. but yesterday, boy, did he lay one on me! i mean i don't blame him for being worked up with all those ultrasounds to do AND report, but being oncall for the last 48 hours and then full time monday had me so exhausted i almost burst out crying.
later that day, i had to see yet another radiologist, dr.bannan, and while i was in his room dr.kelly came in with a cup of tea in his hand. he was all cheerful and all, and he was trying to make it up to me by cracking up some stupid joke and holding out his hand for a shake of truce, and saying "it'll get better with time lia, it'll get better." i took his hand, but i was too tired from work and the emotional abuse to play nice with him then.
i'm oncall again today. but that's okay...i'll be oncall free for the next 8 days at least.

wow...one whole paragraph and no bleeps so far...amazing...but i'd better get going anyway.

the catcher in the rye

i've started reading it again. the first time i read it was when i was about 14. it was a very hard book to put down. holden talked about novels and authors that he liked, that he liked some books so much he wished the author was his friend-someone he could pick up the phone and call. i wouldn't mind calling j.d. salinger.

"...Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field ot rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy."Holden in chapter 22. Here Holden tells Phoebe the basic theme of the novel.



listening to: your body is a wonderland - john mayer
another lonely day - ben harper
seperti kekasihku - padi
crash into me - dave matthews band
serve the servants - nirvana ('his sad and melancholic pools of clear baby blue eyes')
a certain shade of green- a very jazzy and funky version of the song. mike's and jose's project feat. brandon at the Time Lapse Consortium. i like the original incubus one better though. waiting in anticipation for next album...

ihh...makasih ya gilank! but for those of you wondering...those are not my legs!! hahaha
ya gimana sih gilank...gak ada yg mata ya? a pair of beautiful dark eyes, like mine!hehehehe
oh ya...i did that thing at lunchtime gil..so be on the look out ya?

i'm sleepy!!!this is the most boring rotation ever!
we've finally found an apartment...i am so glad about that. just need to do some shopping though. we've no plates!! well we've no food to put on the plates anyway, come to think of it..

gilank!! title-titlenya kemana nih?????

i'm having the urge to read 'the catcher in the rye' again...holden caulfield is ...weirdly attractive.

:<

ishh...takleh balik lak harini...but that's okay...i have til monday :>
as usual, not that busy today. after all the discharges made, we've only 4 patients left! hehe, that's quite outrageous i say.
things to do: obts. jaundice patient's blood for the weekend (right after this)
look at apt. at 4
pack things to take back to cork tonight
get contact lenses prescription tomorrow afternoon

listening to: Abra Moore - Happiness (still)
Padi - Sesuatu yang Indah
Turin Brakes - Save Me (Underdog)

a bored intern...(!)

i suppose that should not be possible, a bored intern, that is. but this past week has been quite uneventful...the team having about 8 patients in total and the theatre list being only 3 yesterday, and possibly only 2 tomorrow! this is not healthy for me-imagine the shock i'll get come sept. with mr.mccormack's team!
i hate blood results!! last week it was xrays...but this week it's the bloods...i just can't seem to order all the right ones, or get the right results back the next morning. better think up of a plan of how to be a leeetle bit more organised lia :P
tomorrow to view another apartment, i'm sick of this, i just want to settle down SOMEWHERE and not think about it anymore.
esok balik cork yay!

song on the week: Abra Moore- Happiness

~it's better to burn out than to fade away~k.cobain

New Skin

i survived!! at least for the last 5 days! Alhamdulillah, a week had passed; i didn't cry and the patients didn't die...hihi, i know i know i shouldn't be joking about something like that, but can't resist!! it's quite unbelievable, but i had been working as an MD for a week now. it was..undescribable...i've mixed feelings about it, well actually i was too busy to even think! can't deny i am a bit elated about it all because i don't really feel exhausted at the moment considering i was on-call last night.
let's see, the first day was scary. i was so clueless, and here i was having to discharge patients, insert cannulae and prescribe drugs. but the nurses have been most helpful, thank you sisters! and to my SHos too, thanks for putting up with my bleeps for the dozens of failed lines, hihi. speaking of bleeps (pagers to some :P), it has become the bane of my existence. well maybe not the bleep itself but the anticipation of the message it carries," hello doctor, can u come over, we need a catheter!" argh, and i had to do 3 lastnite on-call. my first 3 catheters, god bless 'em (not the catheters, but the patients :P).
it was tiring, physically and emotionally. people seems to want you in several different places at one time. man, they do work interns like dogs! everybody wants a piece of you, the team, the nurses, the patients. but at the end of the day, it all feels worth it.
the new place is not bad...just a bit messy from the previous tennant....and the fact that she still havent moved out is not helping matters.
to my loyal (and probably the ONLY) reader..yes, you :P did you miss me? i'm sure you did. anyway I missed you!! hehe
gawd i better take a nap before i stop making sense.....