I sometimes wonder if this readiness, this expectation, prevents the miracle from happening. But I have no choice. He is coming, and I am here.
- from the time traveler's wife
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
favourite quote of the day
I sometimes wonder if this readiness, this expectation, prevents the miracle from happening. But I have no choice. He is coming, and I am here.
- from the time traveler's wife
Monday, November 07, 2005
Lunchtime on Monday...
Am at work now, well technically. It's lunchtime. We have just discharged our last patient ( to Ema's annoyance, should she know about it). It'll be just about five days before my 2 week holiday starts. I'm flying home, and i can barely contain my excitement. It's been almost a year since i've been back, and it is about time to re-fuel. i need the malaysian air, humidity and all, at least for a while. Sometimes, being home kind of put things into perspective. i need that now, with all these confusion that's been going on. i've been kind of going about my days in sort of a daze lately... it feels like everything is a question mark. i just dread the thought actually sitting down, and really think things out, find answers and make decisions. one might say that i'm too scared to face reality. chickenshit. hehe. oh well. others might say i'm unthankful. i've a wellpaying, somewhat distinguished job, a caring family, a great, loving boyfriend and a bunch of absolutely lovely, there-for-me friends. and yet i'm still disheartened. i still wonder if i haven't hit bullseye; haven't found my true calling....i don't know. well who says life is straightforward?
current playlist: so beautiful - darren hayes
hung up - madonna
kaiser chiefs
current playlist: so beautiful - darren hayes
hung up - madonna
kaiser chiefs
Thursday, October 20, 2005
The Time Traveler's Wife
Just completed reading this exquisite book by Audrey Niffenegger. It has been a while since i cried reading a book (14 years to be exact - cried reading the Catcher in the Rye at 14).
The Time Traveler's Wife, what can i say. What an imagination, what depth and originality. It swallows you with the play of vastly varying emotions in its characters. It draws you in and hypnotizes you - i finished it in more or less 7 hours in two sitting. I just could not put it down. Even with the obvious fantasy of time travelling as the core of the story, this book is truly an old-fashioned love story at heart. I just love it. I feel for and empathize with Henry and Clare. I want to have what they have with each other. I'm getting dramatic! hehe
Anyways, here is an excerpt from the prologue of the book. Just in case it'll whet your appetite to actually read the whole thing!
Clare: It's hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. It's hard to be the one who stays.
I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.
I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?
Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?
- from the Time Traveler's Wife by A.Niffenegger
Monday, October 03, 2005
the Holy month of Ramadhan...
Kepada semua muslimin dan muslimat, selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan al-Mubarak!
May Allah S.W.T blesses and accepts our fasting ibadah this year.
May Allah S.W.T blesses and accepts our fasting ibadah this year.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Thank you
There are so many things that I want to say to my baby, but I'm afraid that they are all going to sound so cheesy and cliched. So I'll keep them to myself.
However I do want to thank him for being who he is. Just absolutely perfect.
Milacku, you just know exactly what to say and do, to make this undoubtedly screwed up girl feel so right,so contented, just simply so happy.
Being the neurotic person that I am, I can't help, now and again, to feel that this is just too damn perfect to last for long, but I am trying my best to ignore these negative thoughts. To accept that there will always be risks that may be nullified if we have faith, and work our best at this.
Miluji te, Honzicku.
However I do want to thank him for being who he is. Just absolutely perfect.
Milacku, you just know exactly what to say and do, to make this undoubtedly screwed up girl feel so right,so contented, just simply so happy.
Being the neurotic person that I am, I can't help, now and again, to feel that this is just too damn perfect to last for long, but I am trying my best to ignore these negative thoughts. To accept that there will always be risks that may be nullified if we have faith, and work our best at this.
Miluji te, Honzicku.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
i just cannot stand being helpless like this, so powerless over something. there is this dread that spreads like wildfire. it starts from the centre, from the pit of my stomach and like volcanic lava seeps slowly but surely into my limbs, leaving them weak and cold; but the worse is when it finds its way into my chest, where my living, beating cardia would be, squeezing it mercilessly, so excruciating to the core of my being.
i'm just an ordinary girl, i have the flaws and weaknesses of a human being. fear, insecurity, jealousy, resentment, mistrust.
but i do try. in a blameless situation as this might become, i try to be strong.
i can't help myself. love has no reasons.
i'm just an ordinary girl, i have the flaws and weaknesses of a human being. fear, insecurity, jealousy, resentment, mistrust.
but i do try. in a blameless situation as this might become, i try to be strong.
i can't help myself. love has no reasons.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Norwegian Wood
Just finished Haruki Murakami's bestseller lastnight. loved it.
his style of storytelling, at least for this particular book, is reminiscent of the catcher in the rye to me. as was the protagonist, Toru Watanabe; sort of like a less dark version of Holden Caulfield, but just as brooding nonetheless.
Murakami is now officially one of my favourite contemporary writers, well as far as love stories go, i suppose. South of the Border, West of the Sun was the book i read first. the story was simple, but it was his style of writing, and the development of his characters that pulled me. it was a short novel, so i was hungry for more. naturally i chose to read Norwegian Wood, with it being the novel that shot Murakami to international fame. this is another love story, albeit a more complex, moving tale. i cannot decide whether to laugh or cry with every new development in the story, the way Murakami made each of his characters to be not without emotional unrest, it was all very engagingly touching.
The Wind up Bird Chronicles will be my next foray into the uniquely bewitching world of Haruki Murakami.
his style of storytelling, at least for this particular book, is reminiscent of the catcher in the rye to me. as was the protagonist, Toru Watanabe; sort of like a less dark version of Holden Caulfield, but just as brooding nonetheless.
Murakami is now officially one of my favourite contemporary writers, well as far as love stories go, i suppose. South of the Border, West of the Sun was the book i read first. the story was simple, but it was his style of writing, and the development of his characters that pulled me. it was a short novel, so i was hungry for more. naturally i chose to read Norwegian Wood, with it being the novel that shot Murakami to international fame. this is another love story, albeit a more complex, moving tale. i cannot decide whether to laugh or cry with every new development in the story, the way Murakami made each of his characters to be not without emotional unrest, it was all very engagingly touching.
The Wind up Bird Chronicles will be my next foray into the uniquely bewitching world of Haruki Murakami.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
you bring me to the shore
sighs, moans, proverbial?
familiarity unsettling
yet I allow the sand to warm these toes,
the sun to caress this skin.
is there a need to shield my eyes from the glare of your brilliance?
the pisces of my nature, may cause our demise
or will I let the daisies bloom,
allow the sweetness of loving
invade this wall surrounding.
your kind eyes,
your knowing touch,
changes me
moves me
stirs something within
that has been in a long restless slumber.
into the winter of my soul
your gentle voice penetrates.
hold on to me
let not the merest sigh escape
let us stay alive
in this transcendental experience eternal....
-leia
current playlist:
sleeps with butterflies - tori amos
the power of orange knickers - tori amos feat. damien rice
by my side - 3 versions by INXS, JD fortune and suzie mcneill (i'm terrible!)
trees - marty casey (he's delicious)
doth i protest too much - alanis morissette
the blower's daughter - damien rice
sighs, moans, proverbial?
familiarity unsettling
yet I allow the sand to warm these toes,
the sun to caress this skin.
is there a need to shield my eyes from the glare of your brilliance?
the pisces of my nature, may cause our demise
or will I let the daisies bloom,
allow the sweetness of loving
invade this wall surrounding.
your kind eyes,
your knowing touch,
changes me
moves me
stirs something within
that has been in a long restless slumber.
into the winter of my soul
your gentle voice penetrates.
hold on to me
let not the merest sigh escape
let us stay alive
in this transcendental experience eternal....
-leia
current playlist:
sleeps with butterflies - tori amos
the power of orange knickers - tori amos feat. damien rice
by my side - 3 versions by INXS, JD fortune and suzie mcneill (i'm terrible!)
trees - marty casey (he's delicious)
doth i protest too much - alanis morissette
the blower's daughter - damien rice
Friday, September 16, 2005
quizzing when bored
Your a perfect kisser! your a little of
everything! you keep your partner on their
toes, and always wanting more! Your kisses can
be soft, innocent, sexual, passionate and
senseual! Everyone must want alittle from you!
But good job keep it up^_^
What type of kisser are you?(pics)[[for guys and girls]]
Your personality is that of a true day-dreamer.
Somehow, you're not too satisfied with reality,
and so you take it upon yourself to find it in
your dreams. You're honest, a bit random, and
are a great friend. You can sometimes, well a
lot of the time have mood swings, which confuse
the people close to you, but that's okay. As
long as you have great friends, a great
personality, and a great outlook on life,
you'll be fine. You've got people around you
who are willing to keep you up when you fall
down, which you have many times. You have great
talents as a writer, especially when you write
fantasy. You are the dreamer, the sarcastic
one, and the one with great come-backs. Keep on
dreaming, and you're sure to have an extreme,
life-it-to-the-fullest, Grade-A life!
What Kind of Person are You? [beautiful anime pics, and lengthy details, as usual!]
brought to you by Crows!%20You're%20willing%20to%20try%20new%20things,%20even
i've my head up in the clouds lately...i think i'm too old for that, but sometimes, u just can't help it!! it's even reflected in my current playlist:
high - james blunt
you found me - kelly clarkson
nine million bicycles - katie melua
the other side of the world - kt tunstall
the one i love - david gray
now and always - david gray
counting down the days - natalie imbruglia
spoiled - joss stone
the remedy - seether (this doesnt count i suppose)
dare - gorillaz (nor this!)
So unlike me. i blame milacku! but i'm sure he doesn't mind... ^_^
high - james blunt
you found me - kelly clarkson
nine million bicycles - katie melua
the other side of the world - kt tunstall
the one i love - david gray
now and always - david gray
counting down the days - natalie imbruglia
spoiled - joss stone
the remedy - seether (this doesnt count i suppose)
dare - gorillaz (nor this!)
So unlike me. i blame milacku! but i'm sure he doesn't mind... ^_^
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Poetry II
Checked out poems by Walt Whitman, after watching The Notebook. Love this one that was referred to in the film; Spontaneous Me.
Spontaneous me, Nature,
The loving day, the mounting sun, the friend I am happy with,
The arm of my friend hanging idly over my shoulder,
The hillside whiten'd with blossoms of the mountain ash,
The same late in autumn, the hues of red, yellow, drab, purple, and light and dark green,
The rich coverlet of the grass, animals and birds, the private untrimm'd bank, the primitive apples, the pebble-stones,
Beautiful dripping fragments, the negligent list of one after another as I happen to call them to me or think of them,
The real poems, (what we call poems being merely pictures,)
The poems of the privacy of the night, and of men like me,
This poem drooping shy and unseen that I always carry, and that all men carry,
(Know once for all, avow'd on purpose, wherever are men like me, are our lusty lurking masculine poems,)
Love-thoughts, love-juice, love-odor, love-yielding, love-climbers, and the climbing sap,
Arms and hands of love, lips of love, phallic thumb of love, breasts of love, bellies press'd and glued together with love,
Earth of chaste love, life that is only life after love,
The body of my love, the body of the woman I love, the body of the man, the body of the earth,
Soft forenoon airs that blow from the south-west,
The hairy wild-bee that murmurs and hankers up and down, that gripes the full-grown lady-flower, curves upon her with amorous firm legs, takes his will of her, and holds himself tremulous and tight till he is satisfied;
The wet of woods through the early hours,
Two sleepers at night lying close together as they sleep, one with an arm slanting down across and below the waist of the other,
The smell of apples, aromas from crush'd sage-plant, mint, birch-bark,
The boy's longings, the glow and pressure as he confides to me what he was dreaming,
The dead leaf whirling its spiral whirl and falling still and content to the ground,
The no-form'd stings that sights, people, objects, sting me with,
The hubb'd sting of myself, stinging me as much as it ever can any one,
The sensitive, orbic, underlapp'd brothers, that only privileged feelers may be intimate where they are,
The curious roamer the hand roaming all over the body, the bashful withdrawing of flesh where the fingers soothingly pause and edge themselves,
The limpid liquid within the young man,
The vex'd corrosion so pensive and so painful,
The torment, the irritable tide that will not be at rest,
The like of the same I feel, the like of the same in others,
The young man that flushes and flushes, and the young woman that flushes and flushes,
The young man that wakes deep at night, the hot hand seeking to repress what would master him,
The mystic amorous night, the strange half-welcome pangs, visions, sweats,
The pulse pounding through palms and trembling encircling fingers, the young man all color'd, red, ashamed, angry;
The souse upon me of my lover the sea, as I lie willing and naked,
The merriment of the twin babes that crawl over the grass in the sun, the mother never turning her vigilant eyes from them,
The walnut-trunk, the walnut-husks, and the ripening or ripen'd long-round walnuts,
The continence of vegetables, birds, animals,
The consequent meanness of me should I skulk or find myself indecent, while birds and animals never once skulk or find themselves indecent,
The great chastity of paternity, to match the great chastity of maternity,
The oath of procreation I have sworn, my Adamic and fresh daughters,
The greed that eats me day and night with hungry gnaw, till I saturate what shall produce boys to fill my place when I am through,
The wholesome relief, repose, content,
And this bunch pluck'd at random from myself,
It has done its work--I toss it carelessly to fall where it may.
Spontaneous me, Nature,
The loving day, the mounting sun, the friend I am happy with,
The arm of my friend hanging idly over my shoulder,
The hillside whiten'd with blossoms of the mountain ash,
The same late in autumn, the hues of red, yellow, drab, purple, and light and dark green,
The rich coverlet of the grass, animals and birds, the private untrimm'd bank, the primitive apples, the pebble-stones,
Beautiful dripping fragments, the negligent list of one after another as I happen to call them to me or think of them,
The real poems, (what we call poems being merely pictures,)
The poems of the privacy of the night, and of men like me,
This poem drooping shy and unseen that I always carry, and that all men carry,
(Know once for all, avow'd on purpose, wherever are men like me, are our lusty lurking masculine poems,)
Love-thoughts, love-juice, love-odor, love-yielding, love-climbers, and the climbing sap,
Arms and hands of love, lips of love, phallic thumb of love, breasts of love, bellies press'd and glued together with love,
Earth of chaste love, life that is only life after love,
The body of my love, the body of the woman I love, the body of the man, the body of the earth,
Soft forenoon airs that blow from the south-west,
The hairy wild-bee that murmurs and hankers up and down, that gripes the full-grown lady-flower, curves upon her with amorous firm legs, takes his will of her, and holds himself tremulous and tight till he is satisfied;
The wet of woods through the early hours,
Two sleepers at night lying close together as they sleep, one with an arm slanting down across and below the waist of the other,
The smell of apples, aromas from crush'd sage-plant, mint, birch-bark,
The boy's longings, the glow and pressure as he confides to me what he was dreaming,
The dead leaf whirling its spiral whirl and falling still and content to the ground,
The no-form'd stings that sights, people, objects, sting me with,
The hubb'd sting of myself, stinging me as much as it ever can any one,
The sensitive, orbic, underlapp'd brothers, that only privileged feelers may be intimate where they are,
The curious roamer the hand roaming all over the body, the bashful withdrawing of flesh where the fingers soothingly pause and edge themselves,
The limpid liquid within the young man,
The vex'd corrosion so pensive and so painful,
The torment, the irritable tide that will not be at rest,
The like of the same I feel, the like of the same in others,
The young man that flushes and flushes, and the young woman that flushes and flushes,
The young man that wakes deep at night, the hot hand seeking to repress what would master him,
The mystic amorous night, the strange half-welcome pangs, visions, sweats,
The pulse pounding through palms and trembling encircling fingers, the young man all color'd, red, ashamed, angry;
The souse upon me of my lover the sea, as I lie willing and naked,
The merriment of the twin babes that crawl over the grass in the sun, the mother never turning her vigilant eyes from them,
The walnut-trunk, the walnut-husks, and the ripening or ripen'd long-round walnuts,
The continence of vegetables, birds, animals,
The consequent meanness of me should I skulk or find myself indecent, while birds and animals never once skulk or find themselves indecent,
The great chastity of paternity, to match the great chastity of maternity,
The oath of procreation I have sworn, my Adamic and fresh daughters,
The greed that eats me day and night with hungry gnaw, till I saturate what shall produce boys to fill my place when I am through,
The wholesome relief, repose, content,
And this bunch pluck'd at random from myself,
It has done its work--I toss it carelessly to fall where it may.
Poetry...
just saw 'the notebook'...one of the most romantic film i've ever seen i must say!
in the spirit of romance, i'd like to share a couple of poems by one of my favourite poets, Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Sonnet XLIII
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Sonnet XIV
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of ease on such a day--
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheek dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.
in the spirit of romance, i'd like to share a couple of poems by one of my favourite poets, Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Sonnet XLIII
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Sonnet XIV
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of ease on such a day--
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheek dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Lightness and Weight
"I never knew I can be this easily influenced. And I’ve just actually experienced the power of suggestion firsthand. I can tell you that it definitely works. I also realize what a shame it is that sometimes you only start to appreciate something when it’s already too late."
That was the beginning of an entry that i was going to publish back in May, but never came around to. What was i talking about? More or less the best thing that is going on in my life right now. That entry was going to be a lament, bt i guess i don't need that now :>
So it wasn't a suggestion, that was experience talking, they noticed it because they have seen or been in so many similar situations, and clueless as i was, i have to give it to them. They hit bull's eye, and they will probably never know that they did.
I don't know where this is going, if it's going anywhere at all.....but while it lasts, i will embrace it. Because it feels right at this moment in time. However, I will tread cautiously, so as not to get my fragile heart trampled all over. I will keep my head above water, and my feet on the ground. Lightness and weight....reminds me of Milan Kundera's brilliant novel (which i will hopefully be talking about in here some time soon). The ambiguous opposition of all oppositions.
On a lighter note (pun intended), will be having a BBQ (yet another!) by the beach tommorrow with the gang. Should be really fun, but mind will probably be elsewhere like it's perpetually been lately! It's so silly.
That was the beginning of an entry that i was going to publish back in May, but never came around to. What was i talking about? More or less the best thing that is going on in my life right now. That entry was going to be a lament, bt i guess i don't need that now :>
So it wasn't a suggestion, that was experience talking, they noticed it because they have seen or been in so many similar situations, and clueless as i was, i have to give it to them. They hit bull's eye, and they will probably never know that they did.
I don't know where this is going, if it's going anywhere at all.....but while it lasts, i will embrace it. Because it feels right at this moment in time. However, I will tread cautiously, so as not to get my fragile heart trampled all over. I will keep my head above water, and my feet on the ground. Lightness and weight....reminds me of Milan Kundera's brilliant novel (which i will hopefully be talking about in here some time soon). The ambiguous opposition of all oppositions.
On a lighter note (pun intended), will be having a BBQ (yet another!) by the beach tommorrow with the gang. Should be really fun, but mind will probably be elsewhere like it's perpetually been lately! It's so silly.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
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